At Home

This time around, I'm posting something a bit different. I had just finished reading Empire of Borders by Todd Miller, and felt a fire in my belly. So I decided to use that energy to sit down and write for the first time in a while. And thus came about this poem. It's a reflection on the complexities of the word "home" and the implications of a simple four-letter word. I have been extremely grateful for the home I have during the "stay at home" order. Not only my home here, but the places I call home here, there and anywhere. Enjoy :)

Here, There, and Anywhere by Katelyn Rediger

Home… what is home? Where is home? 

Is it in this four-walled shelter that I’ve been stuck inside for the past month or so?

Is it my parents’ home where the majority of my belongings are still being stored?

Is it the university where I made life-long friends and memories? 

Or maybe it’s the place where my umbilical cord was buried. 

Home sweet home…. 

Where do I feel that I belong? The place where I know that I am loved and safe

the place where I feel that I would have the strength and support that I would need
to overcome whichever obstacle that might come my way. 

Or more practically,

a place where I can rest my head for the night and wait for the storm to pass.

Does home have to be one place or can it be many? Can I leave pieces of my heart 

in the homes I make along the way, because it sure feels that way. 

Why have I been given so many homes and some people are robbed

of the only home they had? 

Why am I openly welcomed to create new homes 

wherever my wandering heart desires 

while others are denied the mere idea of establishing a home 

not just for themselves but for their little ones? 

I have memories- a home here, a home there. 

A home where I dreamed one would be and a home where I never thought one could be.

I’ve grown to need home, to love home, and to expect home

Here, there, and anywhere. 

Some homes are built from the ground up. Some homes are burnt down. 

Some homes are fixed up. Some homes are torn down. 

Homes are unaffordable, homes are unsupportable. 

Homes are a benefit. Homes are a prerequisite. 

No address, no employment, no employment, no address. 

Homes are a necessity...then why do only some get to be 

Lucky enough to call some place home.

Not just for a minute, not just while we wait our turn, not just because it’s all we got 

But because it’s the home we’ve imagined. A good school around the corner

Safe streets and a park near enough to walk

here, there, and anywhere

Take Care of You

         The new year has started, and with the new year always comes a bit of self-reflection, goal-setting and anticipation for what is to come. So this blog is going to be a look into how the new year has been for me thus far, what I am looking forward to and how I am hoping to change.
        Since October, I have been sick. I would feel normal for a couple days but then my throat would feel swollen, the coughing would start, followed by a stuffy nose, and the cycle would start over again a couple weeks later. But, the beginning of January, the symptoms became stronger and more persistent. So, I finally decided it was time to go to the doctor. After an unsuccessful round of antibiotics and visits to three different doctors, they decided I had developed allergies to the cold and had bronchitis (raised in Colorado and allergic to the COLD-go figure!).
         When I got the final diagnosis and medicine that was sure to help, I wept. I was so tired of being sick and tired! The tears were a response to the relief I felt to have found an answer to a problem my body had been combatting for a long time. I didn't even realize I was so desperate to feel better. I had gotten so wrapped up in the work I wanted to do and in showing up to help that I told myself to suck it up and keep on going… until I couldn't take it anymore. The following week was spent recovering. I slept more than 15 hours a day and mainly just layed in bed when I was awake- I did not have energy to do anything because I had burned myself out!
          I am goal-oriented and energized by completion of tasks, so it was hard for me to just be when I was sick. I was thinking about the kids that would not have classes, the laundry I needed to do, the events I would miss and all the other things I wasn't capable of doing. I was frustrated by my lack of ability and tired of not having enough energy to do all the things I had on my mind to do. But, while I was sick, I had a lot of time to think about how else I had neglected to take care of myself. I forgot about my mental, spiritual and physical health. I started to become negatively affected by the stories the migrants would share, and was less likely to make time for meditation, stretching, exercising, journalling, praying and other activities that I know help me to remain centered and healthy.
         When you are working amidst need and spend everyday thinking about how you can help the situations of others, it is very easy to forget about your personal needs. I had heard that so many times in seminars, presentations and anecdotes, but could not have understood how easy it was to fall into that trap until I was knocked off my feet. Thank God, I recovered quickly after proper treatment and well-needed recovery time. I am allowing myself time to ease back into my work and trying my best to be attentive to my personal needs as I go about my daily activities.
           God is so kind to us and so good about helping us grow and learn. I am grateful for the things he has taught me about myself and that even though being sick was not fun at all, I found God in the midst of sickness, exhaustion and frustration.
            My word for 2020 is “focus”. I decided on this word for many reasons- the most relevant here being to focus more on what I need to do for myself to remain physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy in the context of heavy humanitarian aid. This is my first time working so closely with people who have seen suffering like I can't imagine and I have to be patient with myself and care for myself in this context in ways that may not have been as necessary in other contexts. I am looking forward to seeing how the rest of my time here in Agua Prieta will play out and how I can use what I have learned to be a better and healthier servant and friend to those I meet.

** Shout out to my Agua Prieta/ Douglas family that took such good care of me and challenged me to rest and take care of myself.**